Have you seen the 2007 movie License to Wed? It’s a funny and cute chick flick about an engaged couple who’s officiant is, well, Robin Williams. If you haven’t seen it, it is definitely a cute movie for the Netflix Que. If you have, then you remember the frustration John Krasinski’s character had when it came to writing his vows.
There is no way around it – vows can be hard to write. We all know that Hollywood often portrays this moment as the moment where the perfect thing comes out at the perfect time and everything is perfect, but honestly most of us would rather bang our heads against a cement wall than give a speech to all the people we have to see everyday on the most important day of our lives. That puts a lot of pressure on us! And to top it all off, most people see sharing your vows together early as faux paux as seeing the bride’s dress before the wedding day. This means not only are you completely stressed about having to write possibly the most important words in your life, but now you can’t even talk about it to the most important person in your life.
So breathe! Take a deep breath, relax, and check out our expert’s advice. The tips below may help you defeat the stress and anxiety of writing your vows!
Step 1. Talk to your officiant. Make sure it is acceptable that you write your own vows. Some religions and officiants prefer to use the standard vows, so it is good to talk to them before going into writing mode.
Step 2. Agree that both you and your future spouse will be writing your own vows. Both of you have to be equally committed to this concept or the guests will surely notice. Writing your own vows isn’t for everyone and you want to be sure you are both comfortable with the idea.
Step 3. Take time to reflect on your love. Both individually and together you should take some time to think about what you love about each other and why you have made the decision to spend the rest of your life with this person.
Step 4. Make a vow plan with your future spouse. Discuss the details with your spouse. Set a word limit, decide on a tone (funny or serious…), decide on a structure, and decide on a due date. Make a commitment to get these done on time!
Step 5. Remember to be yourself and speak from the heart. You may think everyone wants to hear the perfect cookie cutter chick-flick movie vows, but your future spouse just wants to hear you. Don’t make promises you do not intend on keeping and don’t say things you wouldn’t normally say just to melt the audiences heart. Remember, these vows are or you and your spouse; not the audience!